- I had already been discharged from mental health services in Drogheda due to the relative stability of my mental health.
- I was informed by my GP about the difficulty of prescribing Olanzapine.
- As I was embarking on some fairly intense training, I wanted a 'sharper mind' that wasn't slowed by medication.
- I was in a pretty good place.
I was only in the department a couple of days before going on holiday which had been pre-booked, but while I was away, I would be joined by a colleague undergoing the same programme as myself. Soon after my return, it had become obvious that I was being 'prejudiced against' in the way I was given extra work over him, in some of that work I wasn't being kept in the loop with regards to next actions etc., and any time where it was required to ask for assistance with anything, he would be assisted and I wouldn't. This would be a theme that ran throughout my official training period, and beyond.
Our official training would consist of completion of the CompTIA A+ in approximately four months when there would be one resit available for each module should the need arise. If there was a failure of that second resit, then demotion and return to previous department would occur aside of the 'Probation' period of a year. During the first part of our classroom training and issue of the CompTIA A+ manual, it became apparent that CompTIA recommend a year of experience before attempting exams. While I was confident, I would pass first time I gave myself some sort of back up to complete the exams outside the box 'under my own steam' so to speak, my colleague had applied to do a more complicated IT course. When we said to one of the Assistant Principles (APs) we were doing the courses these were the responses:
To me: Who said you could do that?
To my colleague: Oooh, are you sure you you'll be able to cope?
I sat my first exam and narrowly failed, just as my colleague did, coming up to do the resit, I contracted Covid the night before, which led to me rescheduling the resit which I passed two weeks later. My collegue failed the resit - along with a few others from other departments. He and they - aside of one other, passed the second resit. After my colleague passed his second resit, I was explicitly informed that because my colleague got to avail of the second resit, that option wouldn't be available to me.
In the meantime, because of all the unfairness I was experiencing, being back to attending the office every day (and the stress of the commute and not being able to sleep on the bus after generally not sleeping anyway), and coming off medication, my mood was already beginning to dip. Further derision surfaced after making many enquiries into why I was unable to change someone's password (the most basic task of someone learning how to work on a Helpdesk) finally being addressed. It transpired that my laptop wasn't set up for me to be able to do that. Whether that was by accident or design, I don't know, but I feel the answer is quite obvious, considering my colleague's laptop was. After getting a bit of a talking down to because I enquired about PowerShell, I eventually got a whistlestop tour of how do it through the server from a different AP.
I got another bad virus a few weeks before the second exam, so was probably still run down for the first exam which I again narrowly failed, before passing the resit and scoring better than my colleague. The day before the resit I was discussing this with my then Line Manager, and the AP who clearly had issue with me spoke to me in a way that I was stupid and wasn't expected to pass my resit. By this time, I had got to the stage where I didn't care too much if I passed or failed (obviously I wanted to pass for the certification at least) and was worn out. My 50th birthday was a disappointment and by the time Christmas of 2024 came I was feeling pretty down, which wasn't helped by the fact I'd stopped going to Mass at the start of my training due to giving myself some breathing space due to being so busy.
The first couple of weeks of 2025 were geared around the move of the department from Kildare Street to Leeson Lane, which again involved me being in every day almost while my colleague only did a few days. During this time, we were allotted our teams, with him being told on the Thursday with one of the preferences he made, and me finding out on the Friday (as like a bit of an afterthought) getting a team I hadn't made a preference for. At that moment, I knew my time in the department was coming to an end, also by how I was getting spoken to. My new line manager was up from Kerry, and one of the things he said to me was, "I don't want to be calling at 10 to 4 to ask you to do something, and for you to turn around and say you are leaving at 4 o'clock." I replied, "If I need to leave at 4 o'clock because there is a problem with my bus getting home (as there often is) I'm leaving at 4 o'clock." I had already contacted Thomas Byrne T.D. and Eamonn Ryan regarding this. We also hadn't migrated over to Windows 11 at that time, and I volunteered to be the guinea pig - much to my detriment.
The following week or the week after, on the Tuesday I was to report for Jury Duty in Trim, which isn't the easiest place to get to and from, and there felt to be a lot of negativities towards me for that even though I had made it known in the December when I was called up. I wasn't selected but it was sometime between 11 o'clock and 11:30 before I was stood down. Informing work straight away that I'd be back in work the following day, I was still bombarded with messages getting the bus home, and it was almost 2 o'clock by the time I had got home without eating or having a cup of tea. It was then I decided that I'd be better recording incidents that were happening with me.
While Windows 11 had seemed to be working o, and I was able to log in from home, it became apparent while I was learning to on-board mini desktops why I wasn't able to change passwords. I didn't have access to Active Directory; this was put on by the Higher Executive Officer (HEO) who's job I took over when she was an EO. When I came to log in again on the Wednesday from home, I was unable to sign in to the VPN, and was the whole day trying to rectify the problem. Due to this I had to go into the office the following day to reset the laptop. I transpired to have the same problem on the Friday, while I tried to contact people including my Line Manager of the problem, no one assisted me. It was decided that I would revert back to Windows 10; lo and behold another reset of the laptop on the Monday. It then became known to me that there was an update that prevented the VPN connection, but no one knew what the update was - I eventually discovered what it was.
There were issues with people on the Helpdesk being sick of their time in the department and taking time off, where I'd be thrown on it to help the other lad. I wasn't informed just to takeover tickets as they come in as I was wary of taking over a ticket in my lack of experience and knowledge (because I hadn't been shown) and wasting time over it if someone else could remedy quicker - which I have found out recently is best practice. There was also a JavaScript issue, which I had absolutely no idea about because I hadn't dealt with it previously whatsoever, that I was unable to remedy. I informed my Line Manager and got a slight ticking off because I hadn't sorted it. Incidentally, the other lad on the Help desk had the same problem but was properly helped. Other issues I had was that I was told to remove the memory from laptops prior to disposal ahead of the move along with other jobs by the AP with issue with me. My Line Manager in Kerry would take issue because of the fact he was my Line Manager, and he should be assigning me my work from Kerry. This resulted in another word from the said AP in his favour.
In the space of around 4 weeks or so on Valentine's Day, things got to a head with me when we were informed through Teams a new guy was filling the vacancy on the Helpdesk. He was obviously Muslim, and it was communicated he knew his stuff, I put up a message saying "Muslims, a great bunch of lads.", it was genuinely meant but put in a jokingly vernacular. After adding, I had been dealing with people coming to the office, where I missed the message, "Take it down", no asking, no please, nothing. Then came the call while I was still dealing with people coming to the office. I later got a message for a meeting on Monday morning, in which I feared the worst. I eventually took 3 weeks off and was back on the Sertraline. Also, during this time, it became apparent during the 4 weeks I was in work prior to going sick that my gallbladder needed removing. Incidentally, my colleague in his new team was getting every assistance required and was treated a million times better than myself.
I returned to work the week leading to St. Patrick's Day and was informed there would be a meeting on the Friday before the long weekend. I was informed that there wouldn't be ratification of my promotion, as I had failed probation (the circular that went around said the main stipulation of probation was the passing of exams, and completing any other necessary training, of which there was very little), but came of no surprise and admitted this. While I saw what was happening a long-way off had actually happened, and told the lad on the Helpdesk, who had confirmed what I had said to him weeks before. During that long weekend, I contacted Barry Crushell. Although I obviously hadn't gone into full detail, he informed that I had a case.
I was also discussing with the wife whether I should appeal, and my heart wasn't really in it because I knew my name would be muck if I was to succeed, but she eventually convinced me, and I made and submitted a formal appeal, including the catalogue of incidences. I had also been in contact with the Union regarding this, but I was also in touch during my training to outline the unfairness around it in a general sense, and not necessarily my own issues. After taking a call from the HR Manager, I was told there would be further news and then didn't hear anything for weeks. When I eventually got back in touch with the HR Manager, I was informed that I would be passing my probation without any formal action taking place, no assistance from my Union, and no clarity around it also.
In the meantime, the move to Leeson Lane was taking place, and we were also implementing new software systems along with a move to Azure, which wasn't going as well as it should have been, and in conjunction with this there was little assistance with training me up with anything, along with concurrently setting me up incorrectly to do the work I needed to, putting blame on myself and passwords. Where there was engagement was to be treated like a stupid child with regards to medical appointments, and things were moving apace with my gallbladder. There was another morning where things came to a head with me where I decided to write to the HR Manager and the AP with issue with me. There was a subsequent meeting with the AP who outright defended my Line Manager and came the question if I wanted to stay in IT - and of course I did, and what further training did I require. Of which there was no intention of granting had I said anything that I can remember. I was also given stupid bits of work that had no chance of succeeding with, plus there wasn't any assistance I needed for others that might have given it a chance of working - but I had a go anyway.
In the change of government and departments moving around, after everything that had gone on, I was encouraged to submit an Expression of Interest to move with one of the departments, and I decided that it would probably be the best thing for me, so decided to move with the Gaeltacht to their new department. After submission, I got cold feet and tried to rescind but was totally ignored, and there was an element of better the devil you know. Before leaving, the AP who always had issue with me had a quick meeting with me before I left, and her closing gambit was, "That us Reds (as in Liverpool fans) should stick together." I haven't heard from her since. I'd never felt better to walk out of a place of work since I'd left the army.
Department of Rural and Community Development and the Gaeltacht (DRCDG)
The 1st June 2025 my transfer was official, and seeing it was Bank Holiday, I didn't officially start until the Tuesday, and the opening few days felt like a breath of fresh air, and I actually had a Line Manager that spoke to me like an adult. On the flip side my then current manager was due on a side-ways move to HR was impending, and she was also helping a former team member through his HEO interview. On my part, my cholecystectomy was also impending at the end of June which coincided with the change of my Line Manager. I was also made aware of the impending arrival further down the line of another HEO who would eventually become my Line Manager. Given that there was little or no interaction between myself and my new Line Manager before I went for surgery, I had to introduce myself.
Also, within those four weeks, I was getting pulled into meetings without prior notice of invitation with my old section with regards to the changeover of networks for buildings that were moving from my old department to this one - of which I had no involvement with prior to moving. I was also trying to sort out the translator software which required upgrade due to the impending move to Windows 11 which required users. Much of that work I was trying to oversee was being interfered with and blocked by an AP that had no clue with regards to technical matters. On the upside, I was getting buy-in from who is now the former HEO in Learning and Development as there felt to be a bit of a requirement from the department and my own interests to start moving towards a Cybersecurity stream.
After being away for 4 weeks, and then having an impending prebooked holiday a couple of weeks later, some negative things were beginning to creep in. The last aforementioned AP would bombard me with calls when working from home 'to see if his Teams was still working', which was just basically a front for checking up on me working. There would also be snide comments from him like, "What do I think of the Virgin Birth?", implying that that I am English Protestant. Further on the English point, he called the Union Rep over to go on about a story of some English person being awarded €4000 for negative assertion for being English. He then turned to me and said, "Take your four grand and fuck off." I laughed it off at the time, and just said, "I'm not English, I'm Scouse."
I also had other negativity from my Line Manager in what was either our first or second proper conversation in a meeting relating to an email I sent which was completely factual regarding the changeover of a license that was made even more complicated by the vendor than it needed to be. The process wasn't helped by my old Line Manager from my previous department who dug his heels in to make me look bad. I already raised the likelihood of this issue with my current Line Manager but seemed reluctant to get involved. As I was away, this dragged on further, and when he got involved, the vendor wouldn't deal with him, only me. I highlighted this in my email. Within the meeting I had the validity my promotion questioned, which could only stem from what happened in the previous department and was on my records, and was precisely why I didn't want to appeal.
There was a further incident with the AP where he sent me out to buy milk for a retirement gathering that afternoon and having to draft an email to request it afterwards, and there were issues around this because he couldn't give proper instructions and emails went to and fro, when he only had to say to get rid of the header. It almost came to blows - and that is no word of a lie. The translator software was also an ongoing issue, as I'd secured reduced costs licences which needed to ne bought a by a certain time, and I just needed the go ahead which he dragged his heels in doing, citing a cybersecurity issue. I contacted OGCIO regarding and didn't get a coherent answer.
Around this time, as it was becoming further obvious, I was being pulled from IT work, and this was also frustrating as I was meant to be there in an IT capacity, and I wasn't being able to gain further experience as it was due to the overarching control of OGCIO. I spoke with a former colleague to explore the possibility of going back to that section. He was told there might be the opportunity of going back to that department, but not back to IT which confirms what I thought.
We'd also had another AP that had returned from maternity leave and has constantly picked holes in my work ranging from pushback to alerting that someone was on wrong network directory that I tried to get rectified, and issues around the changeover to Windows 11. Unbeknown, OGCIO were dealing with me directly without management involvement, so I was just progressing things as OGCIO required, there were negative tones because I was trying to do that. Then I was castigated due to sending the email that OGCIO had forwarded regarding the procedure for changeover. Mindful of what the content was, I forwarded what I felt was required, but that was wrong too. Then there was also the time where I was asked about my past in an accusatory tone.
As I was sliding further in my mental health there were a couple of other incidences that pushed me over the edge. There was one where I bought a personalised Liverpool mug, which I'd only used once that went missing, and initially though it was either purposely damaged or taken. It has since been levelled at me that I used racism. I can't remember using racism for a mug going missing and don't think I would, if I did it is understandable for what happened previously. The mug was later located. The second which transpired to be my last day in work at the end of September or the 1st of October 2025 where I was trying to sort Active Directory (but not as straight forward as AD) where I was attempting to add new staff that had transferred over. We'd had a demonstration a couple of weeks earlier, and I somehow missed a key step. I cannot remember if it was demonstrated, or if it was explained badly and switched off, but I was a couple of hours trying to rectify with OGCIO.
Sick Leave
Whilst in my final couple of months at TCAGSM, I began to ponder further why I keep getting bouts of depression which just kept getting treated in isolation, rather than something that is an ongoing problem as part of a wider problem. As previously mentioned, I feel bipolar disorder is an issue. Then I thought in terms of my son having his own neurodivergence and wondered if I had my own. I'd previously been diagnosed with dyslexia at university, but obviously felt it was something more serious, and then came across ADHD. When going for after work drinks with a former colleague, he asked if I'd thought about having ADHD, as he has a son with the condition, and I'd said I was already looking into it. When I went sick it was becoming even more obvious that I'd had ADHD, as I'd also started my evening course in Network Security with CCT, and was finding the sessions hard due to the continuous length before going for breaks.
When I made the visit to my GP as I was obviously quite stressed and hadn't had a proper night's sleep in around 14 months, I asked about going for an ADHD diagnosis, and she suggested the possibility of me being on the Autism spectrum, which I thought little of due to railroading myself towards ADHD in my research. But I also got the spiel of everyone being on the spectrum and validity of late diagnoses and the amount that are being made etc. After that appointment I was making further spirals mentally, and hit a crisis point when I presented to Crosslanes. I was sent home without intervention with emphasis on my drinking. I felt so angry and abandoned. I waited a few weeks before getting my community appointment mid-November. Before that I appointment I had a consultation with another one of my GPs and she did preliminary testing for Autism and ADHD, before forwarding the results. When I got to the appointment, there was just full-on agenda with my drinking without investigating my past history and taking that into consideration. The correspondence that my GP sent was totally ignored and not even adhered to. I also brought copies which were largely ignored, and being being told I had to go private to get a diagnosis whilst getting cast aside. I was asked to wait outside but ended up leaving because it was obvious I wasn't being listened to. Again, I was left feeling angry and abandoned. Going home after being picked up by the wife, I took a phone call in the car, and my mind wasn't fully geared towards listening properly, and it wasn't the best of lines, but again there was further blame put towards my drinking, with addiction being levelled at me. My drinking, although might be deemed a lot to some people, has never been an issue for me. I have nearly always tried to be sensible with it and have come from a big drinking culture either through family or through employment.
The treatment, or lack in those two instances prompted me to submit a complaint in November 2025, to which still hasn't been replied, and there doesn't seem to be the appetite for making comprehensive reply. It transpired from an appointment I had earlier this year in February in communication with my GP that I'd assaulted my wife previously. I haven't, if I had I wouldn't still be in this house, Gardaí would have been here and I'd be facing charges. I have never been in trouble with law enforcement either here in Ireland or in the UK. By this I felt I had to escalate and did so to the Ombudsman. It has got to the stage where they have washed their hands of the complaint. This has caused further strain on my marriage.
In the lead-up to Christmas, I sought diagnosis for ADHD, and this was confirmed the day before my 51st birthday in December, to which I informed my Disability Liaison Officer (DLO). A couple of days before Christmas, I met informally for a coffee with my Union Rep to try and find the lie of the land for myself regarding next steps - especially if things should escalate on my side, as was the intention. I was just spun the corporate line, and told I'd probably be expected in the office more days than most people due to my disability. I was also told to engage with work more, and that I was expected back soon. I finished by saying when I am properly treated in a medical sense is when I will be back. Obviously, I was quite dismayed, and this prompted me to write to Darren O'Rourke T.D. and to Barry Cushell again. My correspondence with Darren O'Rourke was completely ignored, and Barry Cushell said he couldn't help because I didn't have funds to progress.
Over January/February, I had my first appointment with the Chief Medical Officer, but it transpired to be with the O.T. nurse who hadn't a clue with regards to ADHD and was putting timeframes on when to be ready for getting back to work which showed further lack of knowledge and sensitivity to my mental health state. Due to my complex needs, I said I wasn't engaging with nurse again, which was a view shared by others around me. I was subsequently offered an appointment with the O.D. By the time, I had this in-person appointment in April, it was obvious from my research and from doing the UMAAP course with ADHD Ireland, that I am suffering from neurodivergent burnout, I tried making this point but was ignored, I made this reference to my HR Manager, and informed me of wanting to meet with me but nothing transpired until after my third appointment, which happened to be a telephone appointment. As in informed I had a holiday imminent, I was told that, "I would improve with a bit of sun." This became the final straw for dealing with the office of the CMO and have now rescinded any permissions for medical reports from those that are meant to be involved in my 'care'.
This finally prompted the meeting with the HR manager and my Line Manager, given that this was in the pipeline after I informed of some of the issues I faced before going sick, I was of the understanding the meeting was regarding that email. I was initially sent a link for the meeting and was then sent a second link 15 mins before the meeting which transpired not to work. In the meeting I asked if notes were being taken but all I got was the corporate line and for personal reference, before going on 'talking a good game' on my return to work in terms of accommodations. After the meeting, I asked about the course that I began because I am in a bit of limbo regarding it. When I deferred, I was informed that payment hadn't been taken, and I wouldn't be back last academic year. I got a bit of a heavy-handed reply back on the first day of my holiday, which caused me to have a bit of a meltdown which almost led me to report to a hospital, and cause further tension between my wife and myself. This prompted me to contact Steve Rotherham, Mayor of Liverpool City Region for supports in helping me get back to Liverpool if needs be. Again, I was totally ignored.
Also in June, I had my last appointment with community team, and being sick of the lack of engagement I am constantly getting with regards to my treatment, I decided to write my history down in an attempt for some proper engagement in my treatment, but again it was totally dismissed.
My Mental Health History
Current Medications
Lisdexamfetamine: For ADHD. Feeling it is not working very well for me at
the current dose and my GP agrees.
Mirtazapine: For depression and sleep. Feeling it has fairly helped a little more
considering my dosage has upped. I have
three or so days where I feel ok, and then about three days where I am mentally
and/or physically wiped-out.
Quetiapine: For irritability. Helped slightly, still feel irritable and
short-tempered.
History
I have had a long history of mental illness that went
untreated, and looking back was probably triggered in school by my ADHD which
was obviously undiagnosed at the time, and a combination of dealing with
Hillsborough - one of my best friends was killed, and was close to going with
him and my other best friend who survived. We were 14.
This lack of treatment went through me leaving school and
having spells in the British armed forces. Before I left at the last
spell, I attempted suicide at the end of 1998 because of bullying which came
from fracturing my L5 vertebra and an unprovoked attack I suffered during
Christmas after the injury in 1997.
I remained untreated whilst going through my Access Course
(but was using recreational drugs during this spell) and going to university –
but again feeling burnt out at the end. In not being able to get
employment after graduation, I attempted suicide again in 2007, where I began
under mental health services in Liverpool. Whilst feeling there was no
progression generally in my life, I decided to come to Ireland in 2008 (I had
originally planned to do after graduation in 2005).
When I lived in Finglas, I was a couple of times under
mental health services there, and due to my lack of getting better, I
self-queried the possibility of having Bipolar Disorder, and asked one of the
psychiatrists whether there is the possibility of having it, and he said, “Do
you want to have it?” before continuing with the complexity of treating.
While I was still in Finglas, I had a bit of a meltdown when my wife was
pregnant with our son (we weren’t married then) when my GP then put me on the Olanzipine
and Sertraline. While this generally stabilised me aside of a sudden
cessation around the time my wife’s mother died, a resumption stabilised me
again. I have maybe 2 or 3 spells under mental health services in
Drogheda the bipolar disorder question has been raised and dismissed in the
ether, I have raised it again on my last visit and told “No label was being put
on anything for now.” I have been told this previously also in the past.
The only intervention from my previous attendance was an increase in my
Mirtazapine, which has helped a bit.
I have had a long history of mental health problems that has
included couple of suicide attempts, being under the ‘care’ of services in
Liverpool – where I am originally from, Finglas, and again here in
Drogheda. When I first presented in Drogheda, I think in 2014, I was
already taking Sertraline and Olanzipine and the current thinking of that time
was that I was bipolar, and I remained on that medication until last
year. I was discharged from your services in 2022 – I think, as I was
deemed depressed. Yes, I have suffered depressive events that remain
un-addressed to this time and was reasonably stable on that medication but
still had my struggles.
Last year under recommendation and supervision from my GP I
came off medication as I’d been relatively stable, and I’d undergone a
promotion at work that included a move to the technical side of ICT. I
felt that my thinking would be helped by coming off the Olanzipine particularly
as training was intensive with exams to pass which were finite in the sense
that these exams needed to be passed to retain our promotion. These were
passed November 2024, but by then I was feeling exhausted.
After Christmas around mid-January, I was ‘placed’ in a team
that confirmed my original feelings that I wasn’t wanted, and the negativity
towards me increased. It was in February I represented to my GP with
depression and placed on Sertraline again. The week I returned to work I
was informed that my promotion wouldn’t be ratified, even though promotion was
largely and mainly dependant on the passing of exams. I formally appealed
this decision, and this appeal was upheld without any action taking place.
During this period, I spoke with a former colleague
regarding my illness, and he suggested that I could have ADHD as he has a son
with the condition. I had thought about this before that conversation but
didn’t really proceed with any research, partly due to the mainstream
perception of the condition; but my main feeling there is something
underpinning my bouts of depression and the main instant logical feeling was
major depressive disorder.
During the summer, an opportunity arose to change
departments due to the change in government, which I took up due to what had
happened previously. This coincided with me having my gallbladder
removed. On my return to work, I was again more intensely exposed to
negativity towards myself, my promotion and my work, along with ignorance of
suggestions to work that needed doing.
I feel this has stemmed from the way my promotion was ‘granted’
in the last department which has also been questioned. I remain as the
only fully IT qualified person in the team. In the period leading to
going back to my GP on the 2nd of October my mood continued to
dip because of working ‘conditions’. I have been off work since then.
On Wednesday 15th October, I presented to
Crosslanes hospital as I was in an extremely low mood and felt I was in total
freefall, wanting and feeling the need to be admitted as I was feeling pretty
suicidal, but also, I wasn’t too scared about my own safety, but others safety
as someone crossing me the wrong way could have led to serious injury and me in
custody. I was sent home with no sort of help or intervention. I
was also still not sleeping properly at this point and hadn’t done for over a
year, and it was only the next day when I saw my GP she prescribed me with
Mirtazapine with some realisation that I probably should have been back on the
Olanzipine, which she can’t prescribe. I was informed that the community
team would be in touch. I ended up having to wait 3 weeks, which is
outrageous to how I was feeling.
During this period of being off work I have extensively
researched about the possibility of having ADHD and have discussed this with my
GPs with the suggestion that there may be a presence ASD. In response
initial pre-assessments were done and the results of which were sent to the
psychiatrist prior to my appointment for further discussion. When I
turned up for my appointment there was one sole agenda for the psychiatrist –
my drinking, and the allusion that I at least have an addiction. I DON’T.
Admittedly, I may drink more than the average person, but it has never been a
problem for me. I am savvy enough for it
to not be a problem, and I will admit to an element of self-medication.
Alcohol is heavily ingrained in my culture both as family and through previous
employments. I was asked about the dangers of drinking, and I said of
course I knew as I did Pharmacology at the University of Liverpool – albeit
graduating 21 years ago. Not everything
in science 100%. There are always outliers and elements of
non-conformity.
There was no reference to being under your care previously,
and there was no reference to the communication sent by my GP prior to my
appointment which was then exploring the possibility of being ADHD and ASD. When I had to raise the issues myself, they were
almost instantly dismissed. I was sent out for consultation, and after a
minute or so I left because I felt so angry and dismayed. I later
received a call, and by that time I was the way home with the wife in the
car. I couldn’t really understand what was said as the line was quite
bad, and I wasn’t really in the mood to be listening to someone’s narrow-minded
preconceived decisions of me. The call even concluded with a reference to
referring myself to alcohol-addiction services. I replied, “You’re wrong.”
Conclusions
·
I am sick and tired of not being listened to,
and as being treated as a textbook /lowest common denominator case.
·
I am sick and tired of whatever illness I have
as being episodic in isolation and not being continuously episodic i.e.
long-term/permanent.
·
Whatever you want to decide to ‘label’ me, it
needs to be realised I need to be on life-long medication whatever that may be. I don’t know if I have ever been correctly
medicated.
·
I feel it needs more serious consideration that
I may have bipolar disorder and not being treated as the elephant in the room. I feel there needs to be considered that I
may also have ASD; I can’t afford to get a diagnosis – if required.
·
I am suffering ‘Neurodivergent Burnout’.
·
I am FUCKING sick and tired of everything going
wrong in my life – and it’s not through lack of effort.
I was just dismissed at told, "At least I have an ADHD diagnosis and that was the reason for any bipolar-like symptoms."
After getting back from holiday, I met with a representative from Citizen's Information who was aware of what I had been going through became the next in the long line of not helping, practically at least suggested about resigning, which in all honesty has been a hanging fruit throughout. On the 28th July I submitted my resignation letter:
A chairde,
I regret the need for having to do this, but I am submitting my resignation for the minimal notice period required. The need for me tendering my resignation was made obvious to me when I first went sick in October 2025, but various lines of communication over recent weeks have made this even more glaringly obvious, with lack of respect for me and treat me with any dignity towards my mental state which led to my work absence by both yourselves and the office of the CMO. While I have engaged with the process and legitimately raised concerns throughout I have been overwhelmingly ignored, with emphasis being redirected back at myself for my 'shortcomings' on planned actions. I have tried my best to remain in office - as any normal person would - but I have realised that for the good of myself and my family, you are not worth pursuing this.
Whilst prejudice towards me was apparent whilst at TCAGSM, I raised this with Fórsa to which nothing happened. This was why I eventually got into this department; you may argue that it was 'Submission of Interest', in reality, I had no option. This was communicated to me by a former colleague. On the back of what happened to me at TCAGSM, has affected what I have experienced within this department. This has ranged from how I do my work, to the non-occupational 'English' racism which was done in front of redacted (the supposed Union representative) and perceived 'Protestantism' directed questions I received from Redacted. While these issues were raised with you - along with those concerning my experiences with the CMO, these were ignored to which I perceived to be the reasoning behind our recent meeting, instead citing concern for my welfare. It took you nine months to have 'concern' for my welfare. Furthermore, you may also cite my Line Manager's concern? This is a 'concern' based on three actual conversations we've had, so my reluctance to engage there is deeply warranted. I also tried to speak with the Union Representative informally before Christmas, and was spun the corporate line - just as you did at the start of our meeting. Why I have even bothered paying Union dues, I don't know because I have had no assistance whatsoever. As for the constant 'direction' to engage with CSEAS when I have communicated their lack of assistance many times; don't even go there.
It would have been my wish to see people from both TCAGSM/CCS and this department for my experiences over the past two years in the WRC. These experiences have helped to cause division between myself and my wife further sours 6 years of largely enjoyable service in the Department of Housing, Local Government and Heritage. The best thing for me now is to try to rebuild my life as best I can, and the first thing for this is to move on. Any further actions required by me, please let me know, and they will be done as soon as possible.
I got a reply at 16.17 on Friday 31st July:
Hi Ian,
I was off on leave on Tuesday when your email came in.
Resigning
Resigning from your permanent Executive Officer role in the Civil Service is a very big decision. I am concerned from correspondence received from you over the last few weeks that you are not in a good place mentally at the moment and therefore not in a position to make such a big decision. I encourage you to liaise with family, friends and medical practitioners to get support.
Ian, I am not here to fight with you, you are a member of staff who is off on long term sick leave, we (the Department) has a duty of care and responsibility towards you, to keep in touch with you while you are off, to refer you to the CMO, to liaise with you when the time is right with regards returning to work and to implement any reasonable accommodations that may be required at that point. If you are not happy to continue engagement with the CMO’s office, then that is fine. You will not be required to attend that office at this time.
I am concerned and quite surprised by some of the claims you have made in your email below and I will respond to each, please see my responses in blue.
Please note, I am on annual leave next week, returning on Monday 10th August.
I regret the need for having to do this, but I am submitting my resignation for the minimal notice period required. The need for me tendering my resignation was made obvious to me when I first went sick in October 2025, but various lines of communication over recent weeks have made this even more glaringly obvious, with lack of respect for me and treat me with any dignity towards my mental state which led to my work absence by both yourselves and the office of the CMO.
If you believe you are not being treated with respect, then you can refer to the processes laid out in the Dignity at Work policy. Link is redacted
Are you saying that the CMO’s office has contributed you being off on sick leave?
While I have engaged with the process and legitimately raised concerns throughout I have been overwhelmingly ignored, with emphasis being redirected back at myself for my 'shortcomings' on planned actions. Im not sure what ‘short comings’ you are referring to here?
I have tried my best to remain in office - as any normal person would - but I have realised that for the good of myself and my family, you are not worth pursuing this.
Ian, you say you are being ignored, can you outline what you want to see happen? How would you like us to engage with you?
Whilst prejudice towards me was apparent whilst at TCAGSM, I raised this with Fórsa to which nothing happened.
I cannot speak for anything that may or may not have taken place in another Department or your personal interactions with Fórsa.
This was why I eventually got into this department; you may argue that it was 'Submission of Interest', in reality, I had no option.
Are you claiming that you did not complete an Expression of Interest’ form to transfer over to DRCDG in June 2025?
This was communicated to me by a former colleague. On the back of what happened to me at TCAGSM, has affected what I have experienced within this department. Im not sure what you are referring to here? This has ranged from how I do my work, to the non-occupational 'English' racism which was done in front of Redacted (the supposed Union representative). I am not aware of an incident or you have not reported anything to me. You did have concern when your Liverpool mug went missing in the office last year and you raised that concern with me, and you said you thought your work colleagues were being racist and then the mug turned up a short time later.
and perceived 'Protestantism' directed questions I received from Redacted. You have not raised anything of this nature with me and I have no idea of the issue being discussed.
While these issues were raised with you (they were not) - along with those concerning my experiences with the CMO, these were ignored to which I perceived to be the reasoning behind our recent meeting, instead citing concern for my welfare.
It took you nine months to have 'concern' for my welfare. That is your view. I do not meet all staff who are out on long term sick leave. When an employee goes out on sick leave, we do not know how long they are going to be out on sick leave. It’s the line manager who has primary responsibility for keeping in touch with them and you did acknowledge when we met online on 3rd July 2026 that Edward Keely, HEO has been doing that.
Furthermore, you may also cite my Line Manager's concern? (Yes, I can confirm that Redacted is also concerned for your welfare) . This is a 'concern' based on three actual conversations we've had, so my reluctance to engage there is deeply warranted. Please let us know how much engagement you’d like to receive from us? I also tried to speak with the Union Representative informally before Christmas, and was spun the corporate line – I cannot speak for your personal interactions with Union Representatives.
- just as you did at the start of our meeting. At the start of our meeting on 3rd July 2026, I relayed that Edward and myself were meeting with you to ask how you were? And to hear how you are getting on. Why I have even bothered paying Union dues, I don't know because I have had no assistance whatsoever. As for the constant 'direction' to engage with CSEAS when I have communicated their lack of assistance many times; don't even go there. I have a duty of care and responsibility to remind staff of the services of the CSEAS. Feedback from staff is generally very positive towards the services they offer.
My reply was sent Monday morning 10th August and as of this moment, there is no engagement regarding my reply 4 days later, which adds further to being ignored and or treated with contempt.
A chairde,
I will keep this brief.
- Of course I filled out an Expression of Interest form, I am not denying that happened as you are trying to suggest. I was encouraged to on the basis of my upheld appeal. I actually tried to rescind this, but was totally ignored. Subsequent conversation with an ex-colleague confirmed that I wasn't wanted within my old section.
- Just because you didn't know something happened, it doesn't mean to say it didn't, as you are trying to suggest. I can confirm from an email I sent Friday 24th April 2026 that I made you aware of this. I didn't name names at the time. I didn't say anything at the times they happened because I'm not a little grass. Besides, I knew you would all close ranks, and deny they happened. I have only gone into more detail now because I am sick of everything and telling a few home truths, and trying to draw a line underneath events.
- You don't want to fight with me? Why then have you contradicted everything I have mentioned in my resignation letter - including parts that didn't incur interest from yourself? They were added as further context. You also cited my mental health as a reason for not progressing my resignation.
- Finally, to tie-in points 2 and 3, I don't remember using racism on the back of a mug going missing, and wouldn't normally, but if I did that is due to my experiences previously. If you are using what was obviously at the time a decline in my mental health before going sick, as a means of point-scoring then you won't be hearing the end of this.
There have been other bits I could have added with regards to a timeline etc. but they weren't always conducive to the flow, and I'm really boring myself now. But throughout, I have only been trying to protect myself and tried to think outside the box in terms of finding solutions for myself, but the number of times I have been ignored by various people is unreal ranging from my former parish priest to the diocese, various charities and journalists from the Irish Times and The Ditch. Even those higher up in the chain in the union are aware of my situation but have done nothing and won't even reply to my emails. Nearly everywhere I have tried to turn I have either been rebuffed or totally ignored.
Conclusion
- If what had happened to me had happened to my colleague who underwent the 'Move2 ICT' at TCAGSM would be called out and out racism, and people would be fighting his corner.
- It's no coincidence that I have encountered issues on the back of how I was treated at TCAGSM.
- It's fully understandable that I don't I don't trust anything that is spouted by my employer.
- Mental Health Services in Louth-Meath have been allowed to get away with too much especially with lack of engagement with my complaint and being let off the hook with the Ombudsman. There was also another incidence of lack of intervention at Our Lady of Lourdes Hospital where I was sent home in pyjamas and house coat at 5 a.m.
- The lack of opportunities for proper healthcare, redress and justice in this country are disgraceful, and limited to those who can afford it.
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