Mental Health 2

I apologise to anyone that may have 'subscribed' to the blog previously and may have, left due to my inactivity. It has been quite a busy time with the lead up to my son's confirmation, and the time around and immediately after has been quite uncertain which resulted in me taking a self-imposed banishment back to Liverpool for a couple of weeks to evaluate my position in Ireland. I am due to return tomorrow - if anyone is please this is happening, but I doubt there are very few.

I joined the Royal Corps of Signals at 16 as an apprentice/junior soldier in the hope of escaping a largely unhappy childhood home which was further exacerbated by Hillsborough and the fallout from that especially the educational side of things.  I army, I hoped would provide me with an escape route and the chance to get a trade as I'd joined as an Apprentice Telecommunications Technician - a skill/trade that would see me through life. I have to admit finding it very hard even from the outset: from leaving Liverpool Lime Street and the rigours of basic soldering skills. Probably what didn't help the most was my lack of 'natural fit' as a soldier, and that was probably very apparent to others anyway at the time, which resulted in the rest of my room taking exception to me - to say the least. Whilst I slowly 'won them over' (for want of a better phrase), I was gradually beginning to find things a little easier until this culminated in my pass off parade in which an aunt of mine went to one of my officers to tell them what I'd been going through. This resulted in a collective punishment of my room, and for them the apple didn't have to fall very far from the tree. My time in the army at that time started to culminate with my 17th birthday when I was up for orders being charged for missing something that I should have known about, instead attending a maths remedial class. That would have been OK on its own (as with what happened with a colleague), but I stupidly admitted not reading daily squadron orders. I got 3 days restriction of privileges. This set my fate. At least I lasted 4 months and not the matter of weeks that others predicted. 

Obviously, it was a downer leaving a paid job and having to go back home but it was the necessary and right thing to do, but I had to come to terms with having to go back to college to get some GCSEs instead. Whilst I was waiting to go to college, I made an application to the Royal Naval Reserves in HMS Eaglet, Liverpool as it would provide part-time work, and provide me with some naval experience if I was to apply for the Royal Navy - which was what I wanted originally, and seemed to have a good chance of getting in as an Artificer, until I stupidly admitted to having asthma even though I was no longer using an inhaler (always too honest for my own good). I got in and loved it from the outset, and I suppose the army experience did count for something. I did in the main a BTEC 1st in Electronics along with a couple of other GCSEs (Science and Sociology - we'll say no more about the sociology) and a City & Guilds in Mathematics. I'd obviously wanted to do the GCSE in Mathematics but wasn't allowed as I had no grade previously due to not entering at school; I could have entered but because I did no work for so long and by the time I could have entered I could only get an E at best, and I felt to be better than this and wasn't going to try for it.  The RNR and college felt a good combination, but I was almost chucked out of college for my attendance with doing various things with the RNR - especially for fortnight basic training at HMS Raleigh in Plymouth, but knuckled down to get through OK. Later that Summer I was able to get 3 weeks away with the Navy for that year's training, and made my first journey outside of the UK where I flew to Ascension Island for a couple of days before picking up HMS Arrow and eventually having a week in Lanzarote, docked in Arricife and making the nightly trips in to Puerto del Carmen before sailing back to Plymouth.

September 1993 I was to start a BTEC National in Electronics, and I suppose the unhappiness in the house was coming to the fore again as friction between my parents was manifesting itself on me with little or no support for me going to college and experiencing pressure to get a job, and think I may have held out until January/February of 1994 when I left the course. As I was applying for jobs and getting nowhere, opportunities were arising for me to do work around HMS Eaglet, some of which eventually turned to do doing private work for some of the staff - with renumeration not being entirely in line with naval law - especially where cutbacks were being made. I made another application to go in to the Navy full-time and had passed interview, but in the duration of passing interview and the legalities of my pay investigations arising I was eventually rejected again - not for anything I had done,  but had got between two people who had immense dislike of each other and one of them was full-time regular permanent staff. I had been unaware of the standing between the two of them.  This eventually went to Court Martial in Rosyth when I was on fortnightly training in Plymouth in January 1995.  It was here I made my only internal UK flights flying up, and then arriving with tonsillitis. I attended the Court Martial after spending the night in the medical centre, eventually being admonished of any blame.

After my rejection from the Navy, I made the strenuous decision to rejoin the army which were partially stoked by a relationship that I had been in, because past events were indicative of me being a bad fit but decided to take a chance as I was a bit older (not necessarily wiser) and had other military service behind me. I eventually joined up in August 1995 and praying that a hot Summer would subside in time for the start of my training. The day I joined up I felt ill and upon presenting to the medical staff it was deemed that I had rubella (which was the start of a horrible couple of years regarding my health, and spent my first two weeks almost in the medical centre. I was almost back squadded, and one of the initial reasons was because I knew how to handle a weapon, but throughout my basic training it was always a constant threat as my fitness wasn't there (as it obviously wouldn't). I passed out doing basic training in 8 weeks rather than the full 10.  Although I hated basic training it felt good to be going to Blandford for my trade training, which incidentally was as a Telecommunications Technician again, and the run up to Christmas would herald the start of my training and my 21st birthday. My birthday was in a period of learning the basics of other trades in the Royal Signals and this section was quite coincidental. We went to the NAAFI bar at 9.30 and in that period I had 5 bottles of Newcastle Brown, multiple vodkas knocked back in one, and a Drambuie. No one could believe I could walk out. The next day I was still drunk and couldn't pass any tests and staff were trying to sober me up running around with earth spikes. I was 'reported' instead of charged and given almost a week of show parades - many of which transpired I wasn't expected for.  I went home that Christmas and had a bad bout of Gastroenteritis which prevented my study/revision for my maths exam, which I failed along with the resit. When this happened I was to be retraced to Driver Electrician, which incidentally turned out to be the trade in which I couldn't pass the tests on after my birthday!  At least the staff knew who I was.  

After completing the electrical and mechanical part of my training I had to embark on my driver training which was mainly Class C and Class C+E acquisition of licences with some classroom training for hazardous materials to start with. Before starting driving on a night out in Liverpool one Saturday night, I slipped off the plinth of the John Moores statue when it was on Church Street putting a cone on top as a hat. I put my hand out to save myself and knew instantly I had broke my wrist. I couldn't go sick with it and tried driving with it, and it transpired I couldn't so was RTU'd. When I returned I wasn't fully fit and had to endure days of PT when not on driver training, which was pretty tough, but managed to pull through. This period I only got my Class C licence, and cannot fully remember why, so had to get my C+E at my posting. This posting was 206 Signal Squadron in Bulford, Salisbury. Any bits of stress and anxiety that I previously experienced through relationships and unemployment would be nothing to what I would start feeling here.